Welcome to Nollywood

Ghana’s love of Nigerian-made movies may only be bested by its love of English soccer. It seems that the word “movie” has almost become synonymous with “Nigerian movie.” Finally, another nation is doing its part to clutter up video stores and local theaters with brain-deadening dreck.

On our recent bus ride from Accra to Tamale, a marathon bump-a-long of some 13 hours, included, for our traveling pleasure, not fewer than four examples of Nigeria’s finest. By the final hour, I’d become convinced that certain hemispheres of my brain had sustained permanent damage. I’d developed a bothersome twitch, a persistent nosebleed and a recurring desire to instigate some random act of violence.

Having said that, there is nothing immediately objectionable about Nigerian movies, especially when compared to what one is likely to find in the local multiplex in the U.S. They even have certain things going for them, the absence of Adam Sandler and Sara Jessica Parker being one.

But trapped on a bus and forced to listen to them at deafening volume very quickly negates any upside. This is mostly because the dialogue really comes in two forms: hysterical shouting and hysterical crying. Let there be no question, these characters are truly unhappy with each other.

And then, of course, there is the ritual killing and the witchcraft. You’ve not heard hysterical screaming until you’ve heard it delivered from a woman who has just been struck with a snake that turns into a bolt of lightning delivered from a priestess hovering at about 12 o’clock.

Now cheekily referred to as “Nollywood,” the industry has literally overtaken Africa over the last decade. By using English rather than local languages and by relying on aggressive marketing campaigns its reach and influence has spread rapidly.

The sheer number of titles rivals our own beloved porn industry, with some 300 producers churning out somewhere between 1,000 and 2,000 films a year. Nigerian filmmaker Chico Ejiro, the creator of more than 80 films in eight years, brags he can complete production on a movie in as little as three days. Shoot high, Chico.

Given this, and that all are shot on digital video, can we be surprised at the quality? Hell, the first of the genre, released in 1992, was titled Living in Bondage.

A March 2006 article in The Guardian cites Nigeria's film industry as the third largest in the world in terms of earnings at approximately US$200 million per year. But to me, it’s what it costs unsuspecting bus passengers in quality of life that we should be measuring.

(Picture: A random Nollywood title)